I am a thirtysomething wife and mother finding joy in the journey with a myriad of health complications stemming from late stage Lyme disease. I am a creator, a challenge acceptor, an infertility survivor, a happiness pursuer, a sunshine seeker, a champion of kindness and an eternal optimist, living with the man of my dreams and my two miraculous and ridiculously adorable sons. It's a roller coaster ride, but I won't deny that I am blessed!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

According to the Desires of Our Hearts

Today Jeff taught our Sunday School lesson. It was about judgment. As we were reading through the material together last night, I was reminded just how grateful I am of the fact that the lord will be our judge - And that he will judge us according to (not only to what we do, but also) the desires of our hearts. this has always been an extremely comforting thought. And I was reminded of the time dallin h oaks came to our stake conference and something he said that resonated with me. I remembered that I had blogged about the experience (once upon a time when i was in to that thing) and i found the blog entry and jeff had me read it to the class today.  i think it would be nice to share it here since i'm starting the blog process again anew.  

Here's that entry from march, 2010:

MONDAY, MARCH 15, 2010

Thoughts from Stake Conference

We had Stake Conference this weekend. Elder Dallin H. Oaks was the presiding authority. He spoke at Jeff's priesthood meeting on Saturday afternoon and then at our adult session on Saturday night as well as the general session on Sunday morning - so it was quite a treat for us!

In the Sunday morning session, he talked about writing down our promptings from the Spirit. He said that when we're doing things that we are asked to do (such as going to the temple, Sacrament meeting, Stake Conference, etc) - those are the times when we are susceptible to those promptings. He suggested that we write down our impressions because the things we hear during those times are tailored specifically to us as an individual. "Because it's not about what is said, but about what we hear."

The reason I found this particularly interesting is because the night before, during the adult session, one topic that he spoke about stood out to me as though we were having a personal interview. It was like he was speaking these words to me one on one. And although he only touched on the subject for a few moments, the Spirit hit me so powerfully that I felt like the entire premise of his talk was built around it.

The topic was desire.

He shared the following scripture:

D&C 137:9 "For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts."

Then he said this: "If we desire, we are judged as if we had done so."

This hit me hard. Because lately, I've been feeling down on myself for my lack of ability to do many things because of my health issues and physical limitations. It's not that I don't have the DESIRE to do these things. It's that I literally CAN'T do them physically. Elder Oaks then went on to say (and this is the part when it felt like he speaking directly to me in answer to prayer), "There is a point in which desire fills in for lack of ability to do." Wow. Really?! It was as though I had gone up to him, expressed my EXACT concerns and then had him answer the question JUST for me! And he continued "The Lord knows the intent of our heart and thus we can see that desire is immensely important."

He instructed us to pray for desire - that the Lord's counsel on the subject illustrates just how important it is.

And the last thing he said on the topic was this: "We will be judged not by what we have done entirely, but by what we desire. For what we desire determines what we will become."

At that moment, I felt so much freedom! I felt a burden that I had been carrying around on my shoulders be lifted up immediately. I felt my Heavenly Father's love for me and I felt Him say, "It's enough. It's not mete for you to run faster than you have the strength."

Now - I want to be clear on one matter. I know that this doesn't simply mean that I can sit back and say, "Well, I have the desire, so I don't need to work at anything." Because I know that's not true. But at the time, I really did need to hear that I'm not going to fail or be judged for the fact that I can't have a baby or the fact that I'm in almost constant physical pain and can't do a number of things that I'd like to do. I have a righteous desire to be so good. And the Lord knows my heart. That is INCREDIBLY comforting.

I'm so incredibly thankful to my Father in Heaven for His tender mercies. For answers to prayers. For apostles and prophets that are on the earth today. And for our blessed opportunity to hear one of them speak this weekend.